I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
My liver is preforming stress tests.
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
