TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
my god I love twenty year old dicks
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize
