physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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