What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
