the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
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