My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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