those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
please come you make the beer taste better
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
Can't talk, ducks in the car
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