Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
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