We need to start having sex underwater more often.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Randomize
