Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
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