I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
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