and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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