I can text with my tongue
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
Randomize
