I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
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