how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
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