The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
