Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
Randomize
