Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
Randomize
