i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
Idk if I want to put a bra on
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize
