i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
