I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
Randomize