mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
