It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
Randomize
