No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
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