I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
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