dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Randomize
