u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
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