Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
