I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize
