I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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