I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Randomize
