Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
You need Xanax blowdarts
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
Randomize