Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
I deserve this hangover.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Randomize
