Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
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