Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
New. Vanessa hudgens nude pics
That text made me feel like i signed up for some awesome celeb nude pic reminder
Also, on a completely related note, just came up with an awesome business plan. You in?
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
I think your dad took our porno
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
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