watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
Randomize
