No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
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