The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
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