just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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