I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
Randomize
