Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
Randomize
