I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
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