I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Randomize
