I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
Randomize
