I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
Define "chronic" masturbator.
i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize