NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
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