Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
David Carradine died? Should I be thinking about this 10 min before my interview?
Haha just ref him when they ask a questin about kung fu which they will since ur Asian
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
Randomize
