Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Randomize
