well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Randomize
