8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
She even gives head with a lisp.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
