I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Randomize
