And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
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