I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
I have feelings that need drinking.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
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