You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
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