they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
