Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
Randomize
