I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
