I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
