My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
Randomize
