the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Randomize
