drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
just found out that she named her cat after me.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
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