So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
I think my fart just growled at me.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
