I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
Randomize