someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
