i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
