I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
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