Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize
