he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
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