I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
Just pee around me
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
