no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
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