Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Randomize
