so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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